The Art of Trolling

If you’ve ever connected to the internet, there’s a good chance you’ve met a troll. People go back and forth over whether or not trolling should be considered illegal. An anonymous police officer ironically posted a decent article detailing what trolling is, suggesting trolls would be much less likely to act the way they do if they had to use their real name online. He also suggests that trolling, by its very nature, is inciting a riot, which is already illegal.

While this anonymous Pig seems to have a grasp on what trolling is, he seems to underestimate the value of trolling, and bullying isn’t it. Trolling is an art form and freedom of expression. In short, trolls don’t incite riots – people start riots…allow me to remove my anonymity to explain it to you, Mr. Anonymous (i.e cowardly, by his own admission) Cop…

My Name Is Brian Penny…and I Am An Internet Troll…

Brian Penny HuffPost Live
One of the HPL segments I didn’t troll…

Now that I’ve removed any Anonymous masks so you can see my real name and face, I’m going to live up to my title of whistleblower and break down for you a couple of my trolls from this year. Here’s how the faceless Ask-a-Pig defines a troll:

from Dictionary.com: “1. Informal. Submit a deliberately provocative posting to an online message board with the aim of inciting an angry response.”

from Urban Dictionary.com (FYI – The cop completely misquotes these): 2. Being hurtful on the Internet because you can. Typically unleashing one or more cynical or sarcastic remarks on an innocent bystander because it’s the Internet and, hey, you can.

3. The art of deliberately, cleverly and secretly angering people, usually via the Internet, using dialogue. Trolling does not mean just making rude remarks: Shouting swear words at someone doesn’t count as trolling; it’s just flaming, and isn’t funny. Spam isn’t trolling either; it enrages people, but it’s lame.”

Ignoring the popo’s “evidence tampering” in the definitions above, he understands the general idea of why people troll. In fact, here’s his exact statements:

“So why should trolls go to jail? They are causing or inciting a riot plain and simple. The sole purpose is to upset as many people as possible through malicious or deceptive statements. They then sit back and watch the carnage. There is no benefit to anyone except themselves. The victims of these trolls are upset the rest of the day. They are driving aggressively on the roads, yelling at their co-workers and being consumed with a way to find out who that person on the Internet was.”

He makes a good point. By trolling the internet, I’ve upset quite a few people. I’m sure they yelled at their family, friends, and coworkers about how much of an idiot I am (in fact, in a moment, I’ll show proof of my work). I’m positive those people drove as aggressively as they would if their favorite football team threw an interception that lost the game.

So, should I, as this pasty-faced tin man munching Doritos in his parents’ basement suggests, be thrown in prison for replicating the experience of a person’s favorite sports team losing? Should the coach of the losing team rot in the pokey with me? Let’s analyze my most successful troll to date, and I’ll let you decide for yourselves…

The 30 Best Movies of All Time…

Brian Penny Movie Troll
Click here to see the best…troll…ever…

In May 2013, I was given an assignment for Lifehack: write a list of the 30 best movies of all time. I was given an example (Pirates of the Caribbean at #1) for the format and was told to pick the 30 best movies ever made. This type of opportunity is what every troll dreams of. By putting Pirates of the Caribbean at the top of a list of the greatest movies ever made, Lifehack left me with no other choice but to troll the interwebz…and troll I did…

It took me two full days to select the movies and another day to write and format the article, during which time, I made a few last minute adjustments. I won’t bore you with the full list, but I purposefully ensured I selected only newer movies and injected my personal propaganda into the list, a common theme in my writing, as I’m reviving Hunter S Thompson’s gonzo journalism movement (dubbed Gonzo 2.0).

Simply selecting horrible movies wouldn’t cut it though. “Best Movies” is a subjective list, and there’s no scientific answer. People can argue back and forth over such an opinionated subject, and I knew that, so I made sure to actually select great movies from a far-reaching (and yet at the same time, very small) variety of film genres, only cutting the movie Troll 2 from the list at the last minute to avoid detection. Although it’s obvious from looking at the list that it’s a troll, it’s also very subtle. In short – it’s one of the most comprehensive long-form trolls on the internet.

Executing the Troll…

My list itself was a decent troll (the comments were venomous), but it didn’t reach as far as I’d hoped. I decided I needed to do more, so I jumped into the comment well of my own blog piece and issued a challenge (actually several):

Brian Penny Lifehack Movie Troll

I continuously mocked the commenters, challenging the entire internet to come up with a better movie list than mine within the comments of my own movie list. I defied anyone to beat my list within my own list – a seemingly simple, and yet impossible, challenge.

That was the exact fuel necessary to get fed – StumbleUpon lit up and distributed my movie list troll to over 110,000 people (and still counting). People were enraged that I had the audacity to list movies like Grandma’s Boy and Bad Boys (a Michael Bay film) alongside The Shawshank Redemption on a greatest movies list that included no Star Wars or Godfather films (and the only black and white film was Young Frankenstein).

The Troll that Keeps Trolling…

Much like a classic movie or album, the true test of a successful troll is in the test of time. Since I’m not just your average anonymous troll working the comment wells, I have a few more tools at my command. I have posting access to mainstream blogs and large-scale websites. Working within the media, I have backstage access to quite a bit, actually.

Every so often when I get bored, I still submit the list to an entertainment news tracker. Just last week, I submitted it to Filmwatch, where it overtook popular geek films (even Halloween lists…on Halloween) to create an all-new furor…

Brian Penny film troll
Batman beat the Troll…but only barely…

People are very predictable, and now that this Lifehack Best Movies list has so many views and shares, it will continue to enrage people, “inciting riots,” and ruining days for years.

The Bonus Troll Feed…

The best part about trolling is feeding. Feeding is the term given to the rubes that fall for a troll. An expert troll isn’t just trolling – an expert troll feeds other trolls to even out his troll karma. That’s why I wrote this blog…because the original article – written by an anonymous police officer, hypocritically chastising trolls and not allowing comments – is actually a brilliant troll in itself…and I’ve just fed it…I hope it grows strong…

So…do I deserve to go to jail for writing a movie list as a troll? Does Brian Lee, my editor at Lifehack, deserve to go to jail for giving me an assignment that was a troll in itself? Does the anonymous cop deserve to go to jail for his troll piece on trolling that doesn’t allow comments? Does a football team deserve to go to jail if they lose a game and the city riots? Troll my comments and let me know…

Brian Penny versability shamrock guy fawkes boxersBrian Penny is a former business analyst at Bank of America turned whistleblower, consultant, troll doctor, and writer. He’s featured on The Huffington Post, MainstreetLifehackMoney Side of Life, Gaiam, HardcoreDroid, and more.

S/O 2 Vik Junior, Judge Da Boss, and Arizona Hip-Hop

Growing up in Arizona, I’ve seen a lot of the local hip-hop scene and have a few connects here and there around the state. My two bids in Tent City solidified a few more street connects, and I’m proud of every budding entrepreneur in my home state.

Whenever I’m in South Phoenix, I have to stop by and chill with Vik Junior’s fam, which includes a lot of musicians on their grind in the valley.

Vik Junior resembles Wakka Flocka Flame, but that’s where the similarities end – VJ comes from a musical family, with deep roots in gospel, soul, jazz, and classic R&B. Jay-Z is clearly more of an influence than Wakka.

Judge Da Boss, VJ’s longtime collaborator, business partner, labelmate, and friend, leans more toward the Southern rap style, and the mixture between them can be music to my ears.

After a few years working with indie labels, Judge signed with Amare Stoudemire’s fledgling Arizona hip-hop label. When Stoudemire was traded from the Suns to the Knicks, he brought Judge to New York, where he signed to Def Jam. Last year, Judge signed a deal with Sony Records, who he currently records with.

I’ve spent a few holidays barbecuing with these men and gotten to know them as fam, so my view of their music may be skewed, but their Crack Muzic mixtape was blaring through my speakers the morning of my document leak with Anonymous. I’ve followed their musical evolution and careers ever since.

I bring it up now, because I believe they’re at a level where they deserve more media attention. Both Judge and Vik Jr have a flawless grind, and I want to do my part in rooting on the home team.

So as I light this blunt and turn up my speakers tonight, I’ll be listening to Judge Da Boss, Vik Junior, and all the other talented Arizona MC’s, DJ’s, instrumentalists, singers, dancers, and other artists on the desert streets grinding until the wheels fall off…

Brian Penny whistleblower Huffington post Dr dre EminemBrian Penny is a former Operations Manager and Business Analyst at Bank of America turned whistleblower, troll, and freelance writer. He’s a frequent contributor to Huffington Post, Main Street, Hardcore Droid, and Cannabis Now.

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How to Choose the Right Dab Rig for Vaping THC Concentrates

Resin Dab DirtyDabbing is a big business in the cannabis industry, and it’s easy to see why – most State laws limit both recreational and medical marijuana users by weight. So, purchasing shatter, wax, errrl, honeycomb, bubble hash, or other forms of THC concentrates allows you more medicine for the limits.

Concentrates typically contain 70-80% THC. Strength can be determined by color (the lighter, the more potent), and anyone telling you they have anything but sand above 85% is lying. THC concentrates rarely contain trace amounts of CBD, so you’ll have to supplement your dabbing with CBD tinctures or even some flower to ensure you receive the full benefits of cannabis.

concentrate wax thc honeycomb gram
Weed goggles are much better than beer goggles…

From an economic standpoint, I still don’t understand why the cartels are still dropping 20 lb bales of dirt weed over the border, when they could be dropping 20 lb bricks of concentrate.

Either way, it just makes sense to dab, but as discussed in Main Street’s Ultimate Cannabis Buyer’s Guide, it takes a little bit of an investment up front. There are two ways to dab – with a dab rig or eCig. You can also freebase THC concentrates, and I’ll cover that at the end for the aspiring crackheads in the audience.

The Dab Rig

A dab rig consists of four pieces – bong, nail, dabber, and torch.

Ceramic dab rig 10mm propane torch dabber Versability

  • Bong – Known as water pipes or bongs, depending on where you buy them, bongs come in a variety of sizes and can cost as little as $20 for a small one to $1000’s for elaborate and artistic designs.

What’s important to know when purchasing your bong is the size of the opening in the downstem (the part you typically place a bowl). Downstems are typically sized at 10mm, 14mm, 18mm, and 29mm. The size of your downstem determines what size nail you can purchase.

  • Nail – Instead of a typical herbal bowl, dabbing is done on platforms called nails. Nails can be found in titanium, ceramic, quartz, or glass. They also come domed or domeless. Match the nail size to your bong.

I highly recommend ceramic and quartz domeless and avoid glass or domes at all costs. Glass breaks very easily when heated, and domed nails won’t work without both fragile pieces intact. Dabbing on any metal tastes harsh, and titanium can rust or corrode over time, leaving the possibility of metal poisoning.

I’m currently using a 10mm ceramic nail, which I prefer over quartz because of the flavor once seasoned with a gram of heavy sativa. Quartz provides the cleanest vape, so I do need to get another one soon.

  • Dabber – Dabbers, like nails, come in a variety of shapes and sizes. Look for a titanium or quartz dabber, and don’t use dumb things like paper clips, coat hangers, etc. as you’ll likely die from metal poisoning.

Blue Propane Torch on Orange Titanium Dab Nail

  • Torch – A normal lighter won’t do, so, unless you buy an electric nail, you’ll need either a propane or butane torch. Smoke shops typically sell butane, which has a smaller flame (and the lighters don’t last as long). You can find propane torches on Amazon, however, and these are pretty powerful, so be careful your first few times using it. In small spaces, I prefer butane, but propane is necessary for larger rigs.

With these four pieces in place, you’ll be ready to dab and vape any concentrates that come your way. The rig can also be used to vape DMT, though I’d recommend a secondary rig to preserve flavor.

Dabbing in an eCig

Brian Penny Versability Dab Pen Ecig Cannabis

Dabbing with an eCig requires a concentrate attachment, as shatter, wax, and other forms of THC concentrate are too viscous to pull through an eCigarette tank’s wick (although you can dissolve shatter in vegetable glycerin for use in these tanks). The attachment is just a heated metal (not titanium) coil though, so I don’t recommend them.

Freebasing and Crack Pipes

If you want to be ghetto about it, you can freebase THC concentrates by placing a thin layer on a piece of aluminum foil, lighting it with a Bic lighter, and inhaling the fumes. This wastes a LOT of expensive concentrates though. Glass crack pipes can also be used, but you run the risk of looking like all the crack and meth addicts on the streets.

Dabbing is one of the easiest ways to take heavy hits of cannabis straight to the dome. By rinsing the THC crystals off the plant matter, carcinogens are reduced, and the flavor changes, though CBD’s are also reduced. If you haven’t tried dabbing yet, you’re dealing with the wrong hookups.

Brian Penny Gas MaskBrian Penny is a former business analyst and operations manager at Bank of America turned whistleblower, troll, and freelance writer. His work has been featured on Main Street, Huffington Post, Lifehack, Hardcore Droid, Fast Company, Cannabis Now, Intuit’s Small Business Resource, and more.

EA Sports Misses the Mark with UFC Mobile 2015

UFC EA ThumbnailI have a long history with Electronic Arts, having even invested in a few shares of their stock back in the day when they stood up to Microsoft and refused to utilize their Xbox Live servers, instead becoming the first game developer to host online gamers on their own servers.

With cloud computing, freemium pricing models, and subscription apps becoming the new norm across the entire Internet of Things, EA (and EA Sports) is one of those companies I actually want to root for. Unfortunately, every large corporation eventually becomes a victim of its own success, and I can’t let my memories of Madden, FIFA, and NBA Street Vol 2 cloud the reality of how poor a sports port UFC Mobile 2015 actually is.

Next-Gen Button-Mashers

ea-sports-ufc-ios

UFC as a sport is beloved because of the technical mastery of each fighter. It’s like watching an actual fighting game, easily amping up the action of boxing (America’s previous most-beloved combat sport) by adding wrestling moves, elbows, knees, kicks, and the infamous ground-and-pound.

The original handful of UFC shows mostly featured Royce Gracie using a wide array of Brazilian Jiu-jitsu moves to conquer a variety of martial arts, wrestling, brawling, boxing, and kickboxing masters. The reason Gracie was able to dismantle multiple opponents each night was because he could choose his attacks wisely.

In UFC Mobile, you can only ever choose from three special attacks, and the touchscreen interface can’t compete with console controllers. This lack of variety keeps UFC from becoming a great mobile sports game, instead relegating it to EA Sports clear attempt to cash in on yet another Injustice: Gods Among Us clone.

The real-life UFC isn’t Street Fighter – it’s Tekken, and EA Sports did a great disservice to the gaming community by forgetting that with this shoddy, glitch-filled attempt at mobile gaming.

Want a submission victory? You have to wait until you cycle through enough punches to get the random option for a takedown, then sift through all those strikes until you can submit. Don’t want to submit? Wait too long on the ground, and you’ll be stuck with only submissions. I have no choice in a fight – I’m simply following the lead of the game.

When fighting someone with a great stand-up defense like Lyoto Machida, I need takedowns at my disposal, but I can’t do it. Instead I’m stuck leveling up garbage.

Beauty Is Only Skin Deep

ea-sports-ufc-android-ios

Graphically, UFC is actually beautiful, but that’s where the love stops. Takedown and other last-minute glitches made some matches extremely difficult, and it was heartbreaking having to destroy so many epic and legendary flying kicks, knees, and kimoras just to power-level a body hook or submission escape.

Sometimes after an opponent got up from a takedown, my special attacks were completely disabled (often along with the GUI and timer).

It felt just like every other garbage freemium game South Park skewed last season, and at this point, that is sooooooo last season. Leveling was more comparable to Candy Crush than any true UFC standings or ranking system. The live UFC events became nothing more than promotional Mafia Wars bosses.

Training? Nope – you have to buy coins and other garbage. Rankings? Nope – just randomly scattering fighters. There are no championship belts – just loot crates. WTF, EA?!?!

How can Madden and FIFA provide in-depth, updateable sports fantasies down to franchises and facility management, but UFC can’t even figure out a ranking system Nintendo got down in Punch Out for the original NES?

Barely a real game, this fighting clone can’t even compete with the DC, Marvel, and WWE button-mashers already on the market, and those aren’t games to aspire to be. We need real, meaty sports games on mobile platforms to make wearables, the Internet of Things, and virtual reality worth using.

EA Sports provided gamers with the exact opposite of innovation – a middle finger to the tastes of traditional gamers across all consoles and even the PC master race..

Fuck you right back, EA..

Brian Penny Versability Anonymous WhistleblowerBrian Penny is a former Business Analyst and Operations Manager at Bank of America turned whistleblower, troll, and freelance writer. His work has appeared in Huffington Post, Main Street, Fast Company, Hardcore Droid, and Intuit’s Small Business Resource. He’ll be at E3 next month, so get those party and press conference invites out already.

Installing Solar Power in a Vehicle

Solar power is important to implement into our lives, as it’s a sustainable way to detach from the grid. I’ve been playing with mobile solar power over the last year, and this month I finally installed a solar panel on my van. It was a bit of a journey, and once it was done, I couldn’t believe it took so long…

Outdoor Retailer at the Salt Palace

I’d read about solar power online for a little over a decade. Being aware and in awe of the technology, I watched prices until they became more affordable. By the time they did, I had no money, having been blacklisted by the bank.

Asus Transformer and iBatz 20400 Charger

It wasn’t until last year’s Outdoor Retailer Summer Market that I finally met face-to-face with manufacturers and was able to get some hands on time with solar panels, chargers, and batteries.

I was able to obtain review units from iBattz, Goal Zero, Enerplex, and even a USB power monitor from PowerPot, one of Mark Cuban’s investments from Shark Tank. I also had my second look at Sole Power, the shoe insole that can charge a phone.

Having no previous experience with the technology, I didn’t know what truly differentiated them, so I took the gear on my van-dwelling adventure in the Pacific Northwest.

Small, On-Person Solar Solutions

In the end, I gave away a lot of the gear, only keeping what suited my needs best – a 14W Goal Zero Nomad, portable solar panel and 20400 mAh iBattz Optimus battery.

portable solar panel over water versability

The Enerplex Packr solar-powered backpack was a great idea, but the shoddy design couldn’t compete with a solar panel tied to my High Sierra Xbox edition. Goal Zero’s solar panels were great, but neither their battery design nor Enerplex could compete with iBattz.

Tablet iPhone Anon iBatz

This gave me the ability to recharge my iPhone and Galaxy phone, but I wasn’t able to recharge my laptop. Keeping that beast charged would require a 12V plug, which meant I had to start attaching hardware to the van.

Meeting with Grape Solar

Full of knowledge and with a little solar experience under my belt, I decided to take up the Grape Solar reps on their invitation to meet at their facility in Eugene, OR, right down the street from the cannabis dispensaries I interviewed for Jim Cramer’s Main Street.

I interviewed the Grape Solar staff and engineers to discover the benefits, misconceptions, and pitfalls of mobile solar energy.

Solar Panel Van Installation

Home solar panels are already wired for A/C (alternating current) energy, while auto panels have to be wired for D/C (direct current). This is important to look at when purchasing a mobile solar solution.

In addition, they showed me the latest flexible solar panels and we discussed happenings in the solar industry.

Grape Solar is an end-to-end solar company. Enerplex and Goal Zero are mobile-focused subsidiaries of larger commercial solar companies. Grape Solar’s distribution deals through major retailers like Home Depot and Amazon allow them to compete as a small business against these giants.

Solar panels, like eCigs, drones, and pretty much any new technology, are actually manufactured in Asian countries like China, then imported, branded, and resold by American companies. Grape Solar, I soon learned, had one of the best solar panel import connections in the country.

Installing Solar Panel in the Van

Solar Panel Van Dwelling

After speaking with these guys, I knew what I had to do – I bought a 100W Grape Solar polycrystalline solar panel, 10 Amp SunForce charge controller, Optima Red Top AGM 12V battery, a 480 watt power inverter, and some cable.

Solar Panel Antenna Vandwelling Power Communications

Drilling holes in the top of the van was nerve-wracking at first, but once the first one was done, the rest were a cinch. The cables were practically plug-and-play, and while I was there, I decided to install a cell phone amplifier. Hopefully after CES in January I’ll be able to add a Wi-Fi hotspot and HDTV antenna.

Solar Van Battery Inverter Charge Controller

I now have enough power to keep my phones and Asus (pronounced ah-SOOS, not AY-sus) Transformer tablet alive (my laptop died while I was in Tent City). I also have a fan and air filter I can keep running when necessary.

Asus iBatz Samsung

Van-dwelling this year will be much more comfortable and affordable now that I have sustainable electricity to get my work done.

Los Angeles, California and the Electronic Entertainment Expo will be my first chance to field test the new setup. I should have enough power to get me through any situation, unless of course they impound the van first.

Time will tell…

Brian Penny Beard Mohawk Versability WhistleblowerBrian Penny is a former Business Analyst and Operations Manager at Bank of America turned whistleblower, troll, and freelance writer. His work has been featured on Main Street, Huffington Post, Fast Company, Intuit’s Small Business Resource, and more.

May the Fourth Get Over It

Different holidays have different origins and intentions. From religious beliefs to successful crop seasons to a country’s military might, there are plenty of reasons to gather with family and friends to celebrate with food, gifts, and libations.

History of Star Wars Day

In recent years, Star Wars nerds have been pushing another new holiday on us. May 4th has been declared Star Wars Day by fans, based on the ridiculous pun, “May the fourth be with you.”

Adding to this ridiculousness, these nerds also push for a holiday on May 5th (already racially celebrated in the U.S. as the nonexistent Mexican holiday, Cinco de Mayo), called, “Revenge of the Fifth,” where these Star Wars nerds embrace the dark Sith.

Referenced sporadically in pop culture, the phenomenon snowballed into an actual holiday celebration around 2011. These days, Star Wars Day is exploited for commercialism, just like any other holiday.

A Sad State of Affairs

jar-jar-binks Versability may the fourth
Misa notta bigga losa as yousa…

These misguided losers holding up a commercial Hollywood film franchise as a messiah is bad enough, but the funny part is these same people are the one complaining about the commercialism of holidays like Christmas or Valentine’s Day.

How in the world can you justify worshipping a film franchise? Even the makers of the film think you’re insane, and nobody wants to watch some 30-year-old space fairy tale just because you’re dancing around like an idiot.

Grown men are ditching work and spending money on giant glow sticks and silly costumes. These nerds are beginning to sound worse than the fantasy football losers we have to deal with every autumn.

Holidays We’d Rather See

Arizona barely started recognizing Martin Luther King Jr. Day simply because the state wanted to host the NFL Superbowl.  This is hardly the only example of legitimate holidays we should be observing, but nobody’s signing these important petitions, instead happy to give their money to Disney.

Women are still fighting for equal rights all over the globe.

Minorities (whether racial or religious) are still fighting and, occasionally, overcoming persecution worldwide.

Children are being forced into labor with much worse working conditions than you’ll ever be able to handle.

LGBT’s are still fighting for survival against harsh hatred and violence.

All of these groups deserve memorial holidays, but you’re too busy celebrating a movie that’s, at best, decent.

If you’re celebrating Star Wars Day today, know that you are a loser of such epic proportions we can never be friends. You’re the reason terrorists hate us, and you should be ashamed of yourself.

Brian Penny whistleblower Versability GonzoBrian Penny is a former business analyst at Bank of America turned whistleblower, consultant, troll doctor, and writer. He’s featured on The Huffington Post,MainstreetLifehackMoney Side of Life, Gaiam, HardcoreDroid, and more.

50 Movies You Have to Watch Before You Die

Movies are an important part of popular culture. You may view them as less refined than books, but the stories are essentially the same. As much an art form as painting, video games, music, and books, movies capture our imagination and show us perspectives we’d never see on our own. Life is short – don’t let it pass you by without seeing these movie classics:

50. The Iron Giant (1999)

Iron Giant Best Movie Ever Versability

Don’t let the fact that The Iron Giant is an animated film starring Vin Diesel fool you – it’s pure cinematic brilliance, a sci-fi film featuring a giant alien robot weapon of mass destruction. After crashing into the earth, he’s rescued by a young boy named Hogarth (Eli Marienthal), and they develop a friendship. The film approaches war and world destruction from the eyes of a child. It makes you fall in love with a robot… and then it breaks your heart. If you’re not crying by the end of this movie, you’re the robot.

Best Quote: Hogarth (Marienthal) “Oh, here. This is Superman. He’s a lot like you. Crash-landed on Earth, didn’t know what he was doing… but he only uses his powers for good, never for evil. Remember that.”

49. The Empire Strikes Back (1980)

Empire Strikes Back Best Movies Ever

People debate back and forth over which is the best sci-fi “Star” franchise between Star Wars and Star Trek. In reality, neither matters, but you should at least watch them to understand the conversation. The Empire Strikes Back is widely hailed as the best Star Wars movie, so get it out of the way first…

Best Quote:  Darth Vader (James Earl Jones) “Luke…I am your father.”

48. Spaceballs (1987)

Spaceballs Best Movies Ever

…Then watch the actual best Star Wars movie ever made. Mel Brooks is a king of screwball comedy, and Spaceballs is the film Scary Movie wishes it was, parodying everything about the Star Wars franchise. Anytime you hear a debate about the best Star Wars movie, confidently remind the participants it is Spaceballs.

Best Quote: Yogurt (Brooks) “May the Schwartz be with you…”

47. Starship Troopers (1997)

Starship Troopers Best Movies Ever

But the actual “best” sci-fi Star movie is neither Trek nor Wars; it’s -ship Troopers. This brilliant military propaganda film has just the right blend of action, adventure, and dialogue to make it watchable for generations. Neil Patrick Harris and the rest of Earth’s bravest soldiers fight off alien bug attacks in an all-out war. Those Trek nerds in Spandex or Wars Force zealots wouldn’t stand a chance against these bugs.

Best Quote: Jean Rasczak “This is for all you new people. I have only one rule. Everybody fights, no one quits. If you don’t do your job, I’ll kill you myself! Welcome to the Roughnecks!”

46. Snowpiercer (2013)

Snowpiercer Best Movies Ever

Everything you ever wanted to know about class warfare is brilliantly on display in this post-apocalyptic look at humanity’s survivors of a great ice age. Snowpiercer is a perpetually sustainable train that keeps all the passengers alive, but the rich are living luxuriously, while the poor stowaways are fed insects and treated like animals. Things eventually boil over, and a rebellion uprising surges through the train from the slums in the back, all the way to the engineer at the front. This movie will inspire you to make the world around you a better place.

Best Quote: Mason (Tilda Swinton) “Order is the barrier that holds back the flood of death. We must all of us on this train of life remain in our allotted station. We must each of us occupy our preordained particular position. Would you wear a shoe on your head? Of course you wouldn’t wear a shoe on your head. A shoe doesn’t belong on your head. A shoe belongs on your foot. A hat belongs on your head. I am a hat. You are a shoe. I belong on the head. You belong on the foot. Yes? So it is. In the beginning, order was proscribed by your ticket: First Class, Economy, and freeloaders like you. Eternal order is prescribed by the sacred engine: all things flow from the sacred engine, all things in their place, all passengers in their section, all water flowing. all heat rising, pays homage to the sacred engine, in its own particular preordained position. So it is. Now, as in the beginning, I belong to the front. You belong to the tail. When the foot seeks the place of the head, the sacred line is crossed. Know your place. Keep your place. Be a shoe.”

45. Bride and Prejudice (2004)

Bride and Prejudice Best Movies Ever Versability

A colorful Bollywood-style film, Bride and Prejudice is a remake of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice. Filled with beautiful visuals (not least of which is Aishwarya Rai) and music, this exotic reimagining of a literary classic hits all the right spots. A musical romantic comedy everyone can enjoy, Bride and Prejudice reminds us Hollywood isn’t the only entertainer on the block.

Best Quote: Lalita Bakshi (Rai) “You should be stirring your husband’s dinner not trouble.

44. Tae Guk Gi (2004)

Tae Guk Gi Best Movies Ever

Set during the Korean War, Tae Guk Gi follows two brothers (played by Bin Won and Dong-gun Jang) who find themselves on opposite sides, eventually meeting in battle and being forced to fight. With a fascination for everything America, South Korea is churning out several talented filmmakers, writers, and actors (see Snowpiercer above). This war epic is easily one of the most insightful war movies ever made.

Best Quote: Jin-seok “I wish this was all just a dream. I want to wake up in my bed, and over breakfast, I’d tell you that I had a strange dream. Then I would go to school, and you and mom would go to work.”

43. Caddyshack (1980)

Caddyshack Best Movies Ever

Golf is arguably the most boring sport to watch. Caddyshack, a comedy centered on said-boring sport, is hands down the funniest movie ever made. Starring an array of comedy legends at the top of their game, it’s not only a laugh-a-minute ride, it’s a visually beautiful film. With multiple concurrent storylines, a variety of comedic styles, a great soundtrack, and the best pool scene ever put on film, watching Caddyshack feels like a party everyone is invited to.

Best Quote: Ty Webb (Chevy Chase) “You’re rather attractive for a beautiful girl with a great body.”

42. The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975)

Rocky Horror Picture Show Best Movies Ever

Still popular at midnight showings around the world, The Rocky Horror Picture Show is a cult classic that can’t be ignored. Transvestite vampires from outer space, led by Dr. Frank-N-Furter (Tim Curry) kidnap a couple (Susan Sarandon and Barry Bostwick), who must fight off their sexual advances and escape. Don’t watch this movie alone – find a midnight showing, dress in some lingerie, bring a newspaper, water pistol, and rice, and be sure to let them know you’re a virgin to the show.

Best Quote: Frank (Curry) “A mental mind fuck can be nice.”

41. Fight Club (1999)

Fight Club Best Movies Ever

If anyone ever quotes Fight Club to you, punch them in the face and yell, “you forgot the first rule.” That’s because it’s a brilliant film that does a great job of drawing the viewer into a twisted plot with a twist ending you should know by now but I’ll leave alone. Brad Pitt and Ed Norton do a great job with their character, and Meatloaf makes his most epic film appearance since Rocky Horror Picture Show. Anonymous’ #ProjectTyler was derived from Fight Club, as was just about every cool thing you ever heard a bro say.

Best Quote: Tyler Durden “It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything.”

40. Mr. and Mrs. Smith (2005)

Mr and Mrs Smith Best Movies Ever

This is the movie where Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie met. Watching their onscreen chemistry, it’s easy to see what they see in each other. No matter how many times this movie is on TV, we have to watch it. Filled with shootouts, explosions, comedy, romance, and flat-out sex appeal, Mr. & Mrs. Smith is a spy film with something for everyone. It doesn’t make you think; it just invites you to sit, stare, and smile.

Best Quote: John Smith (Pitt) “Your aim’s as bad as your cooking sweetheart… and that’s saying something!”

39. The One Percent(2006)

The One Percent Best Movies Ever

The One Percent is the second of Johnson & Johnson heir Jamie Johnson’s documentaries (Born Rich being the first) chronicling a lifestyle that 99% of us will never have. Jamie gives the rest of us a look into the lives of America’s wealthiest and most elite families. Jamie’s father Jim spends the majority of the movie opposing the filming. With the crash of the artificial housing market soon after and the Occupy movement popping up 5 years later, it’s easy to see what he’s afraid of.

Best Quote: Jamie Johnson “The top 1% of Americans, like my family and me, own roughly 40% of the country’s wealth, and we share an aggregate net worth that is greater than the bottom 90% of individuals combined.”

38. The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)

Nightmare Before Christmas Best Movies Ever

Holiday films tend to fall flat outside the holiday season, but Tim Burton’s classic Nightmare Before Christmas manages to skirt this limitation by including specks of every holiday (although focusing mostly on Halloween and Christmas). Even Wal-Mart has to be impressed. Jack Skellington is on a mission to bring Christmas joy to Halloweentown and learns the hard way some things can’t be changed. Nightmare is a cinematic dream set in clay.

Best Quote: Jack Skellington “Just because I cannot see it, doesn’t mean I can’t believe it!”

37. Full Metal Jacket (1987)

Full Metal Jacket Best Movies Ever

Any Stanley Kubrick aficionado will tell you his films move at a slow pace, but tell a powerful story. The first half of Full Metal Jacket is all about the United States Marines’ basic combat training program, and R. Lee Ermey’s charismatic turn as a Marine Drill Instructor. After the first hour, you’d almost swear Vincent D’Onofrio’s Gomer Pyle is the main character. The actual story, however, revolves around Matthew Modine, and the dehumanizing effects of the Vietnam War.

Best Quote: Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (Ermey) “If you ladies leave my island, if you survive recruit training, you will be a weapon. You will be a minister of death praying for war. But until that day you are pukes. You are the lowest form of life on Earth. You are not even human fucking beings. You are nothing but unorganized grabastic pieces of amphibian shit! Because I am hard, you will not like me. But the more you hate me, the more you will learn. I am hard but I am fair. There is no racial bigotry here. I do not look down on niggers, kikes, wops or greasers. Here you are all equally worthless. And my orders are to weed out all non-hackers who do not pack the gear to serve in my beloved Corps. Do you maggots understand that?”

36. Slumdog Millionaire (2008)

Slumdog Millionaire Best Movies Ever

Like Snowpiercer and The One Percent, Slumdog Millionaire brilliantly showcases the detrimental effects of the class war on the lower class. When penniless Mumbai orphan (known as slumdogs) Jamal Malik (Dev Patel) makes it to the final 20 million rupee round of India’s “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?” he’s arrested, tortured, and forced to explain how he knew all the answers. How he did it is one of the greatest stories of all time – both the journey and payout of Slumdog Millionaire are worth it.

Best Quote: Malik “When somebody asks me a question, I tell them the answer.”

35. X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014)

X-Men-Days-of-Future-Past-Best Movies Ever

An instant classic and one of the best superhero movies ever made, X-Men: Days of Future Past is amazing to watch on film, although depressing in that it means the Marvel cinematic universe will remain split by back-end contracts for a long time to come. X-Men is one of comics’ most iconic franchises, mostly because of the innovative usage of interdimensional and time-travel, along with underlying political themes. DoFP captures everything we love about mutants, while erasing the earlier X-films that were tragically dated and had to go.

Best Quote: Charles Xavier “The past: a new and uncertain world. A world of endless possibilities and infinite outcomes. Countless choices define our fate: each choice, each moment, a moment in the ripple of time. Enough ripple, and you change the tide… for the future is never truly set.”

34. The Beatles Anthology (1995)

The Beatles Anthology Best Movies Ever

More than just a movie, The Beatles Anthology is a documentary series, a three-volume set of double albums, and a book that chronicles everything you need to know about John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison, and Ringo Starr. More than just Beatlemania, this anthology is the story of fame in the modern world, told through the eyes of the people who experienced the launch of it. It’s a must-see for anyone living in the camera’s eye, which is everyone these days. We’re not The Beatles, but we have the same problems.

Best Quote: Lennon “Trying to please everybody is impossible – if you did that, you’d end up in the middle with nobody liking you. You’ve just got to make the decision about what you think is your best, and do it.”

33. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)

Eternal Sunshine Spotless Mind Best Movies Ever

Sometimes a movie entertains you, and sometimes it educates you. While Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind definitely entertains (how could it not, starring Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet?), the lessons in Charlie Kaufman’s imaginative script about relationships, breakups, memories, and love are more important. We’d all love to forget that relationship that went horribly awry, but would that truly make things easier?

Best Quote: Joel (Carrey) “What a loss to spend that much time with someone, only to find out that she’s a stranger.”

32. Network (1976)

Network Best Movies Ever

What makes Network great is its universally realistic depiction of media. TV anchor Howard Beale (Peter Finch) is sick and tired of dealing with society so he goes live on the air and gives the most epic speech in cinematic history. His brutal honesty makes him an instant icon, reviving his career. The TV network exploits his anti-establishment following for profit. Beale’s star power grows until it eventually pops, and he must be disposed of. The message in Network gets more and more important as our digital society progresses.

Best Quote: Beale “I don’t know what to do about the depression and the inflation and the Russians and the crime in the street. All I know is that first you’ve got to get mad. You’ve got to say, ‘I’m a HUMAN BEING, God damn it! My life has VALUE!’ So I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window. Open it, and stick your head out, and yell, ‘I’M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I’M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!’”

31. Back to the Future (1985)

Back to the Future Best Movies Ever Made

Back to the Future is a time travel movie filled with memorable characters. Biff (Thomas Wilson) is your stereotypical bully with the most quotable lines in cinema. Doc Emmett Brown (Christopher Lloyd) inspired a generation to become crazy scientists. The heart of the  movie, though, is protagonist Marty McFly (Michael J Fox) – a normal kid in a crazy situation he overcomes. If he can do it, so can you.

Best Quote: Doc “Don’t worry. As long as you hit that wire with the connecting hook at precisely 88 miles per hour, the instant the lightning strikes the tower… everything will be fine.”

30. Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey (1991)

Bill Ted Bogus Journey Best Movies Ever

Godfather 2 is most often cited as the model of sequels outdoing the original movie, but Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey tops that list. Bill S. Preston, Esq, (Alex Winter) and Ted Theodore Logan (Keanu Reeves) are the models of slacker youth. The first Bill & Ted movie most triumphantly explored time travel in a phone booth, and the second movie ups the ante. The dimwitted pair battle death on a journey through heaven & hell to overcome a villain from the future. Bogus Journey is a lighthearted look at a scary subject that doesn’t shy away from the uncomfortable questions.

Best Quote: Bill “And over here, our bass player, the Duke of Spook, the Doc of Shock, The Man with No Tan, please say hello to Death himself, the Grim Reaper.”

29. Into the Wild (2007)

Into the Wild Best Movies Ever

Ever wanted to cut up all your identification and disappear? Christopher McCandless did it, and he documented his journey in a series of journals, which were later adapted into the book and film Into the Wild. The wild is a place that’s interesting to discuss, because it doesn’t actually exist. There’s no land in this world that’s not owned by someone. You can’t go anywhere out of your house without being on someone else’s property. That’s McCandless’s point with Into the Wild.

Best Quote: McCandless “I’m going to paraphrase Thoreau here… rather than love, than money, than faith, than fame, than fairness… give me truth.”

28. Avatar (2009)

Avatar Best Movies Ever

Avatar is one of the most visually beautiful films. Even people who complain about special effects in movies dropped their jaws upon seeing it for the first time. The movie pushed modern cinematic technology into a new age, ushering in the age of stereoscopic 3D and ultra-realistic 4k visuals. Beneath its beauty, the film features a cross-species love story and a social message. Avatar is a must-see for any fan of beauty and art..

Best Quote:  Jake Sully (Sam Worthington) “I became a Marine for the hardship. Told myself that I can pass any test a man can pass. All I ever wanted was a single thing worth fighting for.”

27. Braveheart (1995)

Braveheart Best Movies Ever

Braveheart is the best war movie ever made. Mel Gibson both directed and starred in the epic film about William Wallace’s (Gibson) war for Scotland’s freedom from the British The battles are brutal and graphic. The speeches are inspiring. The cinematography and soundtrack in Braveheart is so moving, you’ll find yourself actually enjoying bagpipe music. By the closing credits, you’ll find yourself wanting to paint your face blue and scream out “FREEDOOOOMMM!!!” until your last breath.

Best Quote: Wallace “Aye, fight and you may die. Run and you’ll live… at least a while. And dying in your beds many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one chance—just one chance to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they’ll never take our freedom!”

26. Titanic (1997)

Titanic Best Movies Ever Versability

Spoiler alert: the ship sinks at the end. That doesn’t ruin the beauty of watching this love story aboard the ill-fated Titanic unfold. Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet are the epitome of young love, and James Cameron goes to great lengths to preserve as many details of the ship and time period as possible. Don’t be so counterculture you avoid this movie because of its popularity – enjoy the majesty of this cinematic Mona Lisa.

Best Quote: Rose (Winslet), prior to letting Jack (DiCaprio) fall to the depths of the ocean like the necklace she’s withholding throughout the film, “I’ll never let go, Jack. I’ll never let go.”

25. South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut (1999)

South Park Bigger Longer Uncut Best Movies Ever

If there’s one thing Trey Parker and Matt Stone know, it’s comedy and music and pop culture references, and let’s just face it – these guys are geniuses who know everything. This anti-Disney cartoon is every bit as catchy and classic, but filled with all the language, plot twists, and Cartman-spewing-Jew-hating we love in the show. The Simpsons fumbled their movie, and Family Guy’s went direct-to-video, but South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut stands among the greatest movies ever put on film and given widespread theatrical release.

Best Quote: Mr. Garrison “…I’m Sorry Wendy, but I don’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die.”

24. The Audition (1999)

The Audition Best Movies Ever

Before Saw or the cavalcade of murder-porn horror movies in America, was The Audition from Japan. I judge horror movies by how many full-length cartoons I have to watch afterwards so I can sleep peacefully, and Audition is at least a 10-toon film. A widower, auditioning women for his new wife, picks a young beautiful woman named Asami Yamazaki (Eihi Shiina) …who turns out to be the most eerily psychotic film character ever. Yamazaki has scenes of torture so brutal they’re almost unwatchable, and the pleasure she takes in her work is beyond disturbing.

Best Quote: Asami Yamazaki: “Kiri kiri kiri kiri kiri kiri!” (Translation: Pain pain pain pain pain pain!)

23. Cinderella Man (2005)

Cinderella Man Best Movies Ever Versability

James Braddock (Russell Crowe), a washed up boxer who fights impossible odds to compete for the heavyweight championship, is one of cinema’s most memorable underdogs. Director Ron Howard expertly recreates the 1930s setting to draw you into this “based on a true story” sports drama filled with award winning actors. Cinderella Man is everything you want in a sports movie.

Best Quote: James Braddock “I have to believe that when things are bad I can change them.”

22. Good Will Hunting (1997)

Good Will Hunting Best Movies Ever Versability

A janitor with an attitude problem (Matt Damon) solves a complicated math problem at MIT, gets sent to a psychiatrist (Robin Williams), and has to choose between his street life and becoming a respected mathematician. Good Will Hunting is a charming drama with great writing, brilliant acting, and an intelligent story. The movie explores a lot of philosophical angles on the human experience in a way that draws you in.

Best Quote: Sean (Williams) “So if I asked you about art, you’d probably give me the skinny on every art book ever written. Michelangelo, you know a lot about him. Life’s work, political aspirations, him and the pope, sexual orientations, the whole works, right? But I’ll bet you can’t tell me what it smells like in the Sistine Chapel. You’ve never actually stood there and looked up at that beautiful ceiling; seen that.”

21. Ghostbusters (1984)

Ghostbusters Best Movies Ever Versability

I’m not afraid of ghosts, and the Ghostbusters are a large part of the reason why. This movie was one of the first big-budget blockbuster comedies, and it still works beautifully today, despite the somewhat dated graphics and equipment. Spawning merchandise galore and two cartoon series (one with a possessed car and gorilla), Ghostbusters is legendary. Bill Murray, Dan Akroyd, and the remaining surviving cast have already given their blessing to a new iteration starring Kristen Wiig and Melissa McCarthy, so get reacquainted with the series while you can.

Best Quote: Dana Barrett (Sigourney Weaver) “I want you inside me.”
Dr. Peter Venkman (Murray) “It sounds like you’ve got at least two or three people in there already.”

20. 99 Francs (2007)

99 Francs Best Movies Ever

Despite being French, 99 Francs turns out to be a brilliant look at the excesses of modern advertising. Jean Dujardin plays a flamboyant Octave Parango, who’s on top of the world as his advertising company thrives from his accounts. Soon, however, he loses his passion for the art of it and goes on a Fear-and-Loathing-esque slide through the drugged out dregs of humanity. With a handful of endings, each more poetic than the last, 99 Francs is a delightful film to watch.

Best Quote: Parango “Marketing is a perverted fom of democracy: the orchestra is leading the conductor. The opinion polls decide on politics, trials decide advertising, panels choose the songs we hear on the radio, sneak previews determine how films should end…”

19. Aladdin (1992)

Disney Aladdin Best Movies Ever Versability

One can argue for days which of Robin Williams’ movies is the best. Though lacking his actual face, Aladdin definitely has the best mix of the beloved late-actor’s personality and vocal talents. The musical story of a street rat who finds a genie and becomes a prince, Aladdin is Disney at its family-entertainment best. Enjoyable for fans of all ages, Aladdin reminds us the exotic Middle East is more magical than scary.

Best Quote: Genie (Williams) “But, oh, to be free! Not to have to go “Poof! What do you need?”, “Poof! What do you need?”, “Poof! What do you need?” To be my own master. Such a thing would be greater than all the magic and all the treasures in all the world! But what am I talking about? Let’s get real here, it’s not gonna happen. Genie, wake up and smell the hummus.”

18. V for Vendetta (2005)

v for vendetta best movies ever versability

Spawning the Guy Fawkes masks popularized by Anonymous is only one achievement of V for Vendetta. This graphic novel-based film by the Wachowski Brothers shows an alternative future where Germany won WWII and England is a tyrannical state. V (Hugo Weaving), a faceless freedom fighter preserves the visual arts, literature, music, cooking, and other valuable knowledge before teaming with Natalie Portman to blow up Parliament.

Best Quote: V “Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition.”

17. The Stone of Destiny (2008)

'Stone Of Destiny' Film - 2008

If you like Braveheart, you’ll love The Stone of Destiny, which follows a group of college students led by Ian Hamilton (Charlie Cox) who reignited Scottish pride in the 1950’s by stealing the giant stone Scottish throne from the heart of London’s Buckingham Palace. After watching this real-life theft on one of the most secure political landmarks in the world reminds you anyone can make a difference with just a small act. This underdog tale will inspire you to take a stand for something good in your community the way William Wallace inspired his kinfolk to take arms against the British.

Best Quote: Ian “It was only a rock, a big lump of sandstone, you might pass right by it, but to us, it was symbol of our freedom, of our independence. We all knew about it of course, we learned as children how it was the Scottish stone of kings, but they took it from us. And as a nation is suppose we’d forgotten about it. Time does that. It was history.”

16. Catch Me If You Can (2002)

Catch Me If You Can Best Movies Ever Versability

Another real-life story, con-man Frank Abagnale Jr. (DiCaprio) managed to hustle and lie his way onto free flights, hotels, and the greatest check-cashing scheme in the history of the U.S. Abagnale now works for the FBI, and his story is the reason for all those watermarks and other security features on physical checks, along with digital security features for debit/credit cards and other identification methods. Learn the basics of identity and financial hacking in Catch Me If You Can.

Best Quote: Frank Abagnale, Jr. [In a letter] “Dear Dad, you always told me that an honest man has nothing to fear, so I’m trying my best not to be afraid.”

15. Where the Buffalo Roam (1980)

Where the Buffalo Roam Best Movies Ever Versability

While Johnny Depp is often praised for his portrayal of cultural icon Hunter S. Thompson, Bill Murray nailed it on the head first. Where The Buffalo Roam mashes together several of Thompson’s writings about his adventures with his attorney, Oscar Zeta Acosta. Murray gives a great performance, perfectly capturing everything we love about Thompson, and proving he’s much more than just a comedian.

Best Quote: Hunter “In my case, you know, I hate to advocate drugs or liquor, violence, insanity to anyone. But in my case it’s worked.”

14. Inside Man (2006)

Inside Man Best Movies Ever Versability

A cop (Denzel Washington) tries talking down a criminal mastermind (Clive Owen) in the best bank heist ever put on film. What makes Inside Man so great is the cat and mouse tension between the cops and robbers. This is much more than your average bank robbery. It’s not money these guys are after, and even knowing they get away with it won’t take away the shock of seeing how… and why…

Best Quote: Dalton Russell (Owen): “This time next week, I’ll be sucking down piña coladas in a hot tub with six girls named Amber and Tiffany.”

Keith Frazier (Washington): “More like taking a shower with two guys named Jamal and Jesus, if you know what I mean. And here’s the bad news: that thing you’re sucking on? It’s not a piña colada!”

13. When in Rome (2010)

When in Rome Best Movies Ever Versability

Romantic comedies can be difficult to watch, unless they have enough comedy to make them worth it. With a parade of comedic stars ranging from Danny DeVito to Dax Shepard rushing to woo an unlucky girl who steals coins from a fountain in Rome, casting a spell of love on the men who made the wishes on the coins, When in Rome is funny enough to grab a guy’s attention while his woman is watching.

Best Quote: Beth (Kristen Bell) “It’s like, I meet a guy, and I think it’s great, and anyone else would just be thinking about how much greater it’s going to get. And I’m constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

12. Shrek (2001)

Shrek Best Movies Ever Versability

Fairy tale movies are a dime a dozen. Shrek stands above the pack because of its fresh look at the genre. The ogre is the hero, the pint-sized prince antagonizes everyone, and fairy tale creatures are being rounded up and destroyed. Hilariously skewing everything Disney or Grimm, Shrek is the bar by which all other fairy tales are measured. I know the Muffin Man, and I love every minute of it.

Best Quote: Donkey (Eddie Murphy) “Hi, Princess!”
Princess Fiona (Cameron Diaz) “It talks!”
Shrek (Mike Myers) “Yeah, it’s getting him to shut up that’s the trick!”

11. Pulp Fiction (1994)

Pulp Fiction Best Movies Ever Versability

Ever wonder where a life of crime would’ve taken you in life? Pulp Fiction follows the exploits of a variety of lowlifes in a fictionalized Los Angeles, filled with Big Kahuna burgers and Red Apple cigarettes.  Told out of chronological order, watching Butch (Bruce Willis), Vincent (John Travolta), Mia (Uma Thurman), and the rest of the thugs’ lives unravel, one can’t help but cheer for each of them to succeed, despite knowing many won’t.

Best Quote: Jules (Samuel L Jackson) “Hey, sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I’d never know ’cause I wouldn’t eat the filthy motherfucker. Pigs sleep and root in shit. That’s a filthy animal. I ain’t eat nothin’ that ain’t got sense enough to disregard its own feces.”

10. The Wolf of Wall Street (2013)

Wolf of Wall Street Best Movies Ever Versability

The excess of Wall Street during the trading madness of the financial crisis is documented in Martin Scorsese’s biographical tale of penny stock trader Jordan Belfort (DiCaprio). Snorting coke of a hooker’s ass is how the adventure starts, and it just amps up from there. Although based on the same story as Boiler Room, The Wolf of Wall Street is an actually watchable story America’s excess and misguided goals.

Best Quote: Belfort “Let me tell you something. There’s no nobility in poverty. I’ve been a poor man, and I’ve been a rich man. And I choose rich every fucking time.”

9. Ip Man (2010)

Ip Man Best Movies Ever Versability

Yip Man was a grandmaster of the Wing Chun style of martial arts, teaching a variety of students, including the legendary Bruce Lee. Ip Man is the story of this legend from Hong Kong, also portrayed in The Grandmaster. Although highly fictionalized and artistically styled, it’s easy to relate to the plight of Yip Man. This story is a classic tale of traditions being overwhelmed by brutal tyranny and global politics.

Best Quote: Ip Man “Nobody is number one forever.”

8. Zero Dark Thirty (2012)

Zero Dark Thirty Best  Movies Ever Versability

Ever wonder what it looks like behind the scenes of the U.S. .gov’s black ops mission to hunt terrorists? We’ll never know for sure, but Zero Dark Thirty gives us an idea of how the decades-long hunt for Osama bin Laden was planned and executed. From waterboarding to random v& kidnapping squads, ZDT reminds us there’s a real enemy out there – us.

Best Quote: Maya “Quite frankly, I didn’t even want to use you guys, with your dip and velcro and all your gear bullshit. I wanted to drop a bomb. But people didn’t believe in this lead enough to drop a bomb. So they’re using you guys as canaries. And, in theory, if bin Laden isn’t there, you can sneak away and no one will be the wiser. But bin Laden is there. And you’re going to kill him for me.”

7. Jurassic Park (1993)

Jurassic Park Best Movies Ever Versability

Dinosaurs are amazing. Seeing them next to humans is almost surreal, and that’s the feeling we got when Steven Spielberg’s epic based on Michael Crichton’s Jurassic Park novel was released. Sure, there are inconsistencies, Easter Eggs, and errors (the T-Rex steps into the road, then throws the Ford Explorer into the same spot, where it falls onto the top of a tree), but it’s still a magical adventure. Who wouldn’t want to see a zoo filled with dinosaurs? Make a real-life Jurassic Park happen, science!

Best Quote: Dr. Ian Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum) “God creates dinosaurs. God destroys dinosaurs. God creates man. Man destroys God. Man creates dinosaurs.”

6. Ray (2004)

Ray Best Movies Ever Versability

The most important aspect of Ray Charles’s (Jamie Foxx) storied career is portrayed in Ray, though the average viewer may not have caught it. The handicap Ray overcame wasn’t blindness – it was his position in our society’s class system. As an artist, he had no control over his own work, but he was the first mainstream musician to successfully lobby for control over his own masters. Even Michael Jackson and The Beatles couldn’t do that. This movie chronicles a legend in the music business.

Best Quote: Ray “Baby, when I walk out that door I walk out alone in the dark. I’m trying to do something ain’t nobody ever done in music and business. But I can’t do it if I’m alone everywhere I go. I don’t wanna be alone here, Bea. Not in my own home. Look, Bea, if you don’t understand me, then who will?”

5. The Dark Knight (2008)

dark-knight-best movies versability

When Heath Ledger was announced as the Joker in a new Batman movie, The Dark Knight, the internet erupted with fury. “He’ll never be as good as Jack Nicholson,” we cried. I wish Heath Ledger could have lived to see the collective jaw of the world drop. Ledger’s Joker is the best character performance in movie history. The Dark Knight isn’t just the best Batman movie. It’s not just the best superhero movie. It’s one of the undisputed best films ever made.

Best Quote: Joker (Ledger) “Do you want to know why I use a knife? Guns are too quick. You can’t savor all the… little emotions. You see, in their last moments, people show you who they really are. So in a way, I know your friends better than you ever did. Would you like to know which of them were cowards?”

4. The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

the-shawshank-redemption-best movies versability

The story of two men who form a friendship during long-term prison sentences, Shawshank is the best prison movie ever made. Morgan Freeman’s narration is so good, it launched him a second career. Andy Dufresne (Tim Robbins) is the kind of protagonist every movie should have. The dialogue and plot as superb. The soundtrack is beautiful. Dufresne dancing in the rain after crawling through miles of sewage is an epic movie moment. You’ll be tempted to run outside and dance along with him.

Best Quote: Red (Freeman) “When they put you in that cell… and those bars slam home… that’s when you know it’s for real…A whole life blown away in the blink of an eye. Nothing left but all the time in the world to think about it…”

3. Love Actually (2003)

love actually best movies ever versability

Love Actually follows the intertwining stories of eight British couples dealing with love in very different ways. It’s a romantic comedy and a Christmas film, but it is in no way sappy. It’s a touching comedy filled with amazing moments. It’s impossible to watch this movie without laughing, crying, and falling in love with at least one character. Love Actually is the best romantic comedy ever written.

Best Quote: Billy Mack (Bill Nighy) “Hiya kids. Here is an important message from your Uncle Bill. Don’t buy drugs. Become a pop star, and they give you them for free!”

2. Gandhi (1982)

Gandhi 1982 Best Movies Ever Versability

Richard Attenborough’s three hour biography of Mahatma Gandhi (Ben Kingsley) is the best biopic ever made. Gandhi was a lawyer who freed India from British rule. Where William Wallace fought with his sword, Gandhi fought violence with nonviolence and compassion, becoming one of the most prolific revolutionaries in human history. The Gandhi biopic covers as many highlights as possible from his life, showcasing his wisdom how anyone can follow his footsteps.

Best Quote: Gandhi “When I despair, I remember that the way of truth and love has always won. There may be tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they can seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall. Think of it: always.”

1. Forrest Gump (1994)

Forrest Gump Best Movies Ever Versability

Forrest Gump is the best movie ever made. It spans generations to tell the fictional story of the most likeable, honest, caring, and genuinely good person this world will ever see. If everyone in this world had even a fraction of Gump’s heart, we’d solve all the world’s problems. The soundtrack is a classic. Tom Hanks is amazing. Forrest continuously overcomes adversity throughout the movie. His life is comprised of every heroic act in the news on any given day. From the first second to the last credit, everything about this movie is flawless. You can watch it 100 times and never tire of it. Forrest Gump is the reason movies exist.

Best Quote: Forrest “Stupid is as stupid does.”

Brian Penny Versability Whistleblower Karate Kid Indiana JonesBrian Penny is a former Business Analyst and Operations Manager at Bank of America turned whistleblower, troll, and writer. Penny has been featured on Main Street, Cannabis Now, Hardcore Droid, and The Huffington Post.

HBO Is Targeting Game of Thrones Pirates: What Does This Mean for You?

Fans eagerly anticipated the fifth season of Game of Thrones. In fact, it was so anticipated, someone leaked the DVD screener containing the first four episodes online before HBO’s season premiere on April 12, 2015.

HBO has responded by sending angry letters to ISP’s, snitching on user’s IP’s who downloaded the files. Who’s to blame in this scenario, though?

It was clearly a media screener that leaked, and the screener being made available to the media in the first place only increases an entertainment industry monopoly, as small sites struggle to compete in a time-sensitive news environment. Why is information never free?

Would you still enjoy The Avengers: Age of Ultron if you got to see how it’s being made? One industry argument against online piracy is the anticipation and buzz sells the movie. But how does piracy not build a buzz?

The Battle of Digital Piracy

This is hardly the first time a series was leaked. Last fall, Key & Peele suffered web leaks of new episodes weeks prior to airing on Comedy Central. Neither GoT nor K&P seem to be suffering in popularity due to the leaks. In fact, both are among the most popular television shows by any standards.

Like Eminem, N’Sync, and Britney Spears broke Billboard and Soundscan records in the midst of the music industry’s battle against Napster, this avenue of (albeit unintentionally) allowing fans to watch these shows for free only increases the Internet fandom, which, in turn, raises the overall brand profile.

It wasn’t until nearly a decade after the proliferation of online piracy that Steve Jobs was able to finally steer the music industry to a new direction with iTunes. This path later led to SoundCloud, Spotify, Pandora, and all the streaming music services we now enjoy.

Apps and Movies and Games, Oh My!

It’s not just music and movies – if not for piracy, we’d still be buying apps, games, and everything else on physical disks that support used media retail stores like GameStop and FYE. In fact, suing a fan simply for downloading a readily available episode of Game of Thrones isn’t akin to arresting a shoplifter attempting to steal a copy from Best Buy – it’s more like arresting a customer who bought a used copy at Bookman’s.

If you’re not being tackled and tazed for purchasing a used DVD from a private seller on EBay or at a garage sale, why are you at risk for clicking a link on the wrong domain name?

Some analysts believe the move by HBO to target downloaders instead of leakers signals a new battle in the war of digital piracy, but it’s nothing new. As described in my Huffington Post article on piracy, Hollywood studios have been sending these notices to ISP’s at least as far back as the 6th Harry Potter movie. Prior to that, they were only tracking you to the level of your Internet portal.

Of course that was before 9/11 gave the government god-like monitoring powers…

The Future of Piracy

What lies ahead in piracy is actually more of a cyclical movement than forward. Software giants like Google, Microsoft, and Adobe are relying on cloud-based subscription services to combat piracy of their software. Stockpiling old versions of Acrobat, Dreamweaver, and Office will allow you to maintain functionality while you wait for new services to fill in the gaps left open by these money-hungry mega-corps.

Services like Hulu, Netflix, and Amazon Prime are trying to lock down digital movies, while YouTube, Vimeo, and other services try to maintain artistic intellectual property. Meanwhile EZTV and ThePirateBay are weathering heavy fire from .gov trolls.

Content creators and providers are at war, as cable-cutters, Internet stars, and 1337 hax0rs disrupt the industry.

At the end of the day, movies, television, music, software, games, and media make a lot of money. These companies aren’t trying to lose any market share to each other or to you. While pirates continue testing boundaries, expect to see the industry further crack down, attempting to set an example so the rest of us comply.

But always remember if it bleeds you can kill it, and if it saves, you can download it…

Brian Penny Versability Anonymous WhistleblowerBrian Penny is a former Operations Manager and Business Analyst at Bank of America turned whistleblower, troll, and writer. He’s a frequent contributor to Huffington Post, Main Street, Hardcore Games, Cannabis Now, and more.