I Am Bradley Manning…

I Am Bradley Manning…

If you don’t already know who I am, my name is Brian Penny. On Black Monday (March 15, 2011), I leaked confidential Bank of America emails to the media and public through Anonymous. The information I leaked has been utilized by various financial regulators to levy huge fines against the banks. The financial sector considers me a villain, while Main Street views me as a modern day Robin Hood-style vigilante hero.

I see myself only as Bradley Manning…

The methods I used as a civilian keep me on the right side of the law. The corruption I fought was in the private sector. By supporting Anonymous, my name reached the tables of the rich and powerful while I walk free, albeit monitored by the military, police, and various other entities. Bradley doesn’t share that blessing of freedom with me. As Manning committed the same “crime” I did as a human being, I’m obliged to question which of our fates is unusual.

Manning definitely trumps me on the cruel, but it’s not as simple of an answer as you’d think. Being left on the outside, cut off from the outside, my entire life was with the bank. Nearly everyone from my old life turned their back on me. I found what I loved in fighting for and promoting ethics. Finding a way to make a living off it was difficult. The life of a whistleblower is difficult.

In the three years since I leaked confidential bank information, I crossed a lot of obstacles the machine throw at you. I was targeted by the police, the government, the IRS, and in my personal life, all because of my war against the banks. I’ve done nothing wrong, yet I have a longer police record than many people in prison. I’ve seen a drone fly over my head on U.S. soil. I had my iPhone manipulated. I met special ops guys who were there for me. I have more attorneys than I care to talk about. I fought violence with non-violence, and I saw dozens of points where many have failed, and I luckily survived. My struggle is nothing compared to Manning’s though… I beat those odds because I have my freedom…

I may have been down… Many people assumed I was out… but at the end of the day, I post this story on the internet today standing up as a free man.

But I can never be truly free as long as my fate is so intertwined with another human being on this planet who did the exact same thing I did for a different employer. Bradley Manning wasn’t as lucky as me because I was fighting corruption in the finance and insurance industries. He fought corruption in the Army. Let’s not involve the government, but only the Army.

I grew up in a military family spanning generations. I know how all the systems work. At the age Bradley Manning was when he allegedly leaked information to Wikileaks, the Army and the government exist as two different entities. Bradley Manning never attacked the government. He attacked the Army on behalf of the United States government. This is why he is NOT a Benedict Arnold.

Bradley Manning is a soldier in a war much bigger than any of us, and he had no way of knowing how deep he was in. I was 30 when I leaked the Bank of America emails. I submitted testimony to every State Attorney General and was told by my lawyers that I couldn’t possibly understand what I’m involved in. I had a general idea, but to be frank, I didn’t. I didn’t learn exactly what I was involved in until I spent three years researching Wikileaks, working with Anonymous, and following my own story while becoming a professional financial writer at Jim Cramer’s MainStreet publication.

I couldn’t have accomplished that in prison. I especially couldn’t have accomplished that in a military prison… nor in my 20s. It would be impossible for Bradley Manning to have fully understood the legalities of what he was doing, but ignorance of the law is no excuse for violating it. This is why it’s important to understand Manning psychologically could not possibly understand the reality of what he was doing with the perspective he had when he leaked the documents he did.

So I again am left to ponder… why is he not in the same position I am?

We did the same thing. Attorneys saved me. Why are they making an example of Bradley Manning?

And what fate would you have us suffer together?

Because if we allow a human being to so publicly be killed in front of all of us on the media… and we’re all being watched… and bullets are scarce… how many of us are we willing to let die before you join Bradley Manning, Julian Assange, Anonymous, and myself using nonviolence to defend our human rights in a world gone mad?

Brian Penny is a former Business Analyst at Bank of America turned whistleblower, freelance consultant, and troll. He’s a frequent contributor to The Street, Cannabis Now, and Fast Company, Huffington Post, Mainstreet, Lifehack, and HardcoreDroid.

Snowden’s Perspective

Gary Webb is the journalist who blew the whistle on the CIA during the Iran Contra scandal in the 1980’s. In 2005, Webb reportedly “committed suicide” by shooting himself in the head twice. This all happened prior to Twitter and Livestream globalizing citizen journalism online. We live in a different world now.

Transparency Equality

The government monitors us, but they don’t want anyone monitoring them. This Iron Curtain mentality may seem great to those of you wearing American flags without a care in the world, but the reality of that situation is grim. I’ve never committed a crime that matters, yet I’ve met field agents from the Secret Service and Special Forces. I don’t carry weapons, yet have been surrounded by law enforcement specialists far and above your average patrol officer.

The reason I’m still alive and able to speak so publicly is because I’m the son of a retired NCO in military intelligence. I live with a police officer’s family. I grew up with border patrol agents. I know all the rules, and I not only follow them, I recognize inconsistencies. The skill set that made me so successful working in the mortgage and insurance industries translated quite well into activism. I also learned a trick from Wendy Day, who also inspired me to learn more about Webb’s story.

Advice to Stay Alive

Wendy is a veteran of the music industry. She played a role in creating a strong business foundation for some of hip-hop’s most iconic stars and brands, including Cash Money Records, No Limit Records, Eminem, David Banner, and so many more. Wendy’s business savvy and resourcefulness is one of the major reasons southern rap has remained on top of the Billboard charts for so long. She’s worked with many of my heroes, including the late Tupac Shakur.

The advice she gave me when I considered whether or not to go public against Bank of America was something Louis Farrakhan told her when she was considering the very same decision in going public about Cash Money ripping her off. He told her the US takes measures to keep him alive simply because he’s so vocal against them. It’s not that everyone will look at them if he’s killed, it’s that they KNOW everyone will look at them if he’s killed.

Snowden’s Strategy

Edward Snowden went public for a reason. From the skewed angle the general public gets through the various media perspectives, it appears he’s playing checkers. Snowden is playing chess though. There’s a reason he is in Hong Kong. He’s aware of their laws and legal system. The US would never strike Hong Kong with the military. It’s the most important trade route in Southeast Asia. We couldn’t block them economically. That would only hurt our global position. Hong Kong is more than capable of standing against the US. They can’t kill him in Hong Kong. He made a smart decision to do everything from outside the country.

Snowden also went to the media for a reason. He’s following the same strategy employed by Farrakhan, Day, and myself. Now that we all know he’s a government leaker, they can’t make him the victim of some random act of unrecorded violence. He’s not trying to be famous. He’s trying to survive, and he’s doing a brilliant job at it thus far. His next step needs to be to get contracts with as many lawyers as possible. Once he does that, he will be able to maintain his freedom and continue living for the time being.

After the Storm Passes

Once this story dies down is the difficult part. Snowden has an uphill battle ahead of him. He’s seen behind the curtain and now he’s cut off from it. People who were once close friends and family can’t be trusted anymore. You have to put your faith in strangers, which is difficult when you never know who is who. Being outside the US, he’ll see a lot more drones than he’s used to. China, the US, Russia, and many other nations would love to get a hold of him. I wouldn’t put it above North Korea to have him executed or taken hostage just to start a war. His life won’t be easy, and he may not have a home any longer. That’s a tough one to deal with.

Snowden did this at a peculiar time, as Bradley Manning‘s trial started. Glenn Greenwald is friendly to Anonymous, Wikileaks, etc., supporting the cases involving Julian Assange, Manning, and Barrett Brown, among others. This ties him to a very strong foundation. When I leaked the bank info, I went to Anonymous during the PayPal boycott because I had to find a powerful flag to carry against BofA’s. Snowden would know who Greenwald is and must be familiar with Anonymous, so he will have a lot of protection. The question is…what game is Snowden really playing?

Whose Side Is Snowden On?

Law enforcement has always had a fascination with the inner working of Anonymous. They continue forgetting that it’s only an idea…and an idea can never be killed or imprisoned. From everything I see, Snowden is following the right steps to survive as a whistleblower. Where is his heart though? What’s the angle we’re not seeing? Did he blow the whistle for the reasons he stated, or is he another government attempt of infiltrating Anonymous?

While we wait for an answer, we’re losing more and more freedoms. We now know the government is watching us. It’s not about whether you’re doing something right or wrong. It’s about having privacy in your own home. It’s about feeling safe within the walls of your home and whenever you leave it. Snowden showed us the government is watching us. Manning showed us what they’ll do if we disobey. Our only power right now is in numbers. We need to find nonviolent ways to fight for our own freedoms. We’re all carrying smartphones, tablets, e-readers, and laptops powerful enough to control the world. All it takes is a little knowledge…

Expect us…

Brian Penny is a former Business Analyst at Bank of America turned whistleblower, freelance consultant, and troll. He’s a frequent contributor to The Street, Cannabis Now, and Fast Company, Huffington Post, Mainstreet, Lifehack, and HardcoreDroid.

Chelsea Manning Verdict from a Bank Whistleblower

Bradley Manning spent this summer on trial for his part in the release of classified U.S. documents to Julian Assange and WikiLeaks. As a whistleblower myself, I spent the summer watching his trial develop while Edward Snowden’s NSA revelations saturate our society’s consciousness. What happens to Bradley Manning is important to me because, as discussed previously, I Am Bradley Manning — we’re all Bradley Manning.

The Government vs The Bank

I leaked confidential information from my employer to the media, who then disseminated the information to the public. I even worked with the “terrorist/hacker” syndicate Anonymous to do it. The only difference between us is our employer — Manning worked for the government. Look very carefully at how the government treats this courageous whistleblower. That is exactly what happens to us in every industry. Rather than being discriminated against for our race, religion, sex, orientation, or any other involuntary trait, whistleblowers are discriminated against for choosing honesty.

Remove any rhetoric or bias, and Manning is on trial for nothing more than telling the truth. How or why he did it can be contested, but at the end of the day, he told the truth. When I told the truth, I was labeled a terrorist as well. I’ve done some drug experimentation and stole a few things here and there in life, but I never did anyone any harm. I never had a police record — I was an honor student who grew up to be a respectable analyst within the finance industry. Because I told the truth, I’m now considered a person of interest. I’ve been arrested, hospitalized, and monitored for telling the truth. Now I have to watch a young soldier face a more brutal life than even I can imagine. I can’t help but wonder…am I next?

Defining and Sentencing Espionage

If Bradley Manning is guilty of espionage, what does that mean for me as a bank whistleblower? Am I guilty of espionage against Bank of America, QBE, and Assurant? Are all whistleblowers spies? What’s the difference between a whistleblower and a spy? What could he have done better?

Now that a single judge (not a jury of his peers) has declared Bradley Manning guilty… what does that mean for justice? Our country is in dangerous territory, and I, for one, am terrified of how corrupt this system is…

Brian Penny is a former Business Analyst at Bank of America turned whistleblower, freelance consultant, and troll. He’s a frequent contributor to The Street, Cannabis Now, and Fast Company, Huffington Post, Mainstreet, Lifehack, and HardcoreDroid.

Just Laws vs Unjust Laws

“How does one determine when a law is just or unjust? A just law is a man-made code that squares with the moral law, or the law of God. An unjust law is a code that is out of harmony with the moral law. To put it in the terms of St. Thomas Aquinas, an unjust law is a human law that is not rooted in eternal and natural law.” – Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., “Letter from a Birmingham Jail“

On April 12, 1963, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. sat in a jail cell in Birmingham, AL for coordinating nonviolent actions against segregation. In an attempt to stop the civil rights movement in Alabama, Circuit Judge W.A. Jenkins issued a blanket injunction against “parading, demonstrating, boycotting, trespassing, and picketing.” Dr. King marched anyway, and was arrested.

Four days later, after reading a newspaper article from local clergymen condemning him for hypocrisy in breaking the law, Dr. King wrote the now famous “Letter from a Birmingham Jail,” in which he broke down the difference between a just and unjust law, stating we, as human beings, have “not only a legal, but a moral responsibility to obey just laws. Conversely, one has a moral responsibility to disobey unjust laws.” Four months later, Dr. King led the March on Washington, delivering the epic “I Have a Dream” speech, calling for equal rights for all human beings of every shape, color, sex, age, size, and belief.

Dr. King’s speech echoed in my head fifty years later as I watched President Obama speak at his press conference on NSA monitoring, stating whistleblower Edward Snowden isn’t a patriot because he broke the law. With all due respect to POTUS, I disagree. Snowden is more than a patriot; per Dr. King’s definition, he’s a moral champion.

Freedom of Privacy

 

“An unjust law is a code that a numerical or power majority group compels a minority group to obey but does not make binding on itself. This is difference made legal. By the same token, a just law is a code that a majority compels a minority to follow and that it is willing to follow itself. This is sameness made legal.” – MLK

As Dr. King so eloquently points out, the difference between a just and an unjust law is in the equal application of said law. The unjust application he’s referencing is the basis of the American Civil Rights Movement — the white majority was not held to the same standards as non-white minorities. I wish I could say this situation has been resolved, but, as anyone who’s heard of Trayvon Martin is painfully aware, that isn’t always the case. In the internet age, we not only have to fight a lot of the same racial and gender inequalities as Dr. King, we also have an ever-widening financial equality gap and rampant abuses of power. No matter how complicated things get, however, the measuring stick with which we measure justice has never changed.

Nothing in President Obama’s speech gave the impression that the rampant NSA monitoring will stop — he didn’t even touch upon other government agencies using this overreaching digital spying technology on American citizens not involved in terrorism. He merely states that, while no laws will be implemented or changed, American taxpayers’ money will be spent on a PR campaign to convince these very same American citizens that it’s ok to give up all of our privacy to the government. Obama would have us believe it’s ok for the government to know everything about us (the people), while they (the government) operates in the shadows behind an iron curtain of secrecy. Not even a year after all the hoopla surrounding government debt, sequestration, and the debt ceiling, the White House wants to spend our own money on convincing us to be ok with giving up our basic human freedom of privacy. You’ll have to forgive the inherent sarcasm in my slow clap…

Middle Fingers for Patriotism

 

“We should never forget that everything Adolf Hitler did in Germany was ‘legal’ and everything the Hungarian freedom fighters did in Hungary was ‘illegal.’ It was ‘illegal’ to aid and comfort a Jew in Hitler’s Germany. Even so, I am sure that, had I lived in Germany at the time, I would have aided and comforted my Jewish brothers.” – MLK

The fallacy in President Obama’s logic is saying that breaking the law is what makes Snowden unpatriotic. Apparently, our Commander-in-Chief is under the impression that George Washington obeyed the law when he led an armed revolution on the ruling government of the time. Much like Bradley Manning, terrorist Paul Revere aided and abetted the enemy when he leaked British troop movements to the American patriots. Centuries before Edward Snowden’s leak, Benjamin Franklin leaked confidential government letters. Why isn’t Snowden’s face on our currency?

With Lavabit and Secret Circle shutting down their secure email servers and tech giants Google, Apple, et al, bending to the will of the government and leaking our private and confidential emails to them, we had better figure that out very quickly. Drones are being produced on an almost-Terminator level. More and more power is finding its way into the hands of fewer and fewer people. We’re looking down the barrel of a dystopian future within a decade. If we don’t start speaking up now, it’s only a matter of time before we miss the bus.

I don’t know what it’s going to take to fix this situation. As much as I’d like to give you the answer — to tell you what to do — I can’t. I don’t know how to convince the powerful people in our world to step off their pedestals and join us. I don’t know how to ensure we have the same inherent human freedoms and unalienable human rights as those in power. All I know is I have to take control of my own privacy again.

If the government is going to monitor me without my permission, they’re going to see me throwing a middle finger in the air, just like they did earlier this year in Houston. I won’t resort to violence, nor will I be complacent in this travesty of justice and equality. I will simply continue living my life the way I want… with my middle finger in the face of every single government agency or representative who isn’t vehemently opposed to the mass surveillance without transparency.

I encourage you to stop twiddling your thumbs and join me in giving the government the finger…

Brian Penny is a former Business Analyst at Bank of America turned whistleblower, freelance consultant, and troll. He’s a frequent contributor to The Street, Cannabis Now, and Fast Company, Huffington Post, Mainstreet, Lifehack, and HardcoreDroid.

How to Fail Using the Health Insurance Marketplace

The Affordable Care Act (ACA, aka ObamaCare) is stirring up a lot of debates. Things got so heated that our government even shut down. I largely ignored the debate, as I had too much on my plate battling the banks over >force-placed insurance. Growing up in the military, I don’t know much about the civilian health care system. I didn’t care until a couple of days ago when I woke up to a painful and swollen testicle and the reality of being an uninsured freelancer with limited funds suddenly set in. I immediately logged on to the Health Insurance Marketplace set up by the Obama administration for people in my exact situation.

As your average self-employed American, I’d like to provide a quick reference guide on how to navigate HealthCare.gov, the much reviled Health Insurance Marketplace the White House clearly overpaid for. My hope in posting this guide is to clear up any confusion about the operation of this site:

Step 1 – Register

The registration process is simple. Although there must have been a lot of load errors at launch due to high traffic hitting the graphics-intensive interface, I didn’t come across any technical glitches setting up my username and password, entering my personal information, or receiving and responding to the email. Any reported hiccups regarding load times seem to have been worked out.

Step 2 – Verify Your Identity and Contact Info

I’m finally in the system and ready to get insurance. I have to read and agree to a lot of terms and conditions I’ll never bother to read. If there’s anything important in it, surely I’ll hear about it in the news. I’m asked many of the same personal identification questions, however this time they ask for more details. I verify that I’m a single white (and part Hawaiian) male with no mental disabilities, ensuring that any issues I have are either technical or based on class, rather than sex or race. The system seems satisfied…

Step 3 – Verify Your Income

Next, I enter my income, since I selected that I’d like assistance paying for health care. I work as a freelancer, so I don’t have an employer or a health plan. I make the system aware of this by labeling my income streams as “Self-Employed.” I input the estimated $20k per year I currently make as a freelancer (I’m still in my first full year of income generation off it) and verify my information.

Once again, I seem to be having no slowdown issues related to traffic nor inputting incorrect information. The reports about a malfunctioning website seem to be another myth the Republicans came up with.

Step 4 – Receive Your Results

After inputting all your information, you’ll be presented with a link to download the PDF results. Here’s a copy of my results.

As an uninsured and self-employed, 32-year-old American male making an estimated $20k per year living in the State of Arizona, I was deemed uninsurable by the Health Insurance Marketplace. I was presented with no health care options. My one hope of finding an affordable solution to my swollen and painful testicle prior to waiting until it progresses to a point where it’s life or death and they can’t refuse me treatment is dashed.

Step 5 – Review Resolution Dispute Options

Thankfully, I’m given a couple of helpful resolution options to give me something to do while I wait for either an influx of cash to afford a visit to urgent care or for the pain to reach an extreme worth a trip to the ER. I’m able to forward my information to Medicaid, the current health care option I already know I don’t qualify for and was under the impression ObamaCare would resolve. My other option is to register to vote to my opinion can matter. I’ll be sure to schedule time for both.

In the meantime, there is a complicated dispute resolution process I won’t even read because I’ll likely die before I could follow it, and I’d prefer to focus my energy on positive thinking, working as hard as possible not to lose my $20k (I’m paid per project and don’t get sick pay), and making what could possibly be my last days on this earth comfortable.

Step 6 – Curl Up and Accept Pending Death

Looking back at all the insane choices I’ve made in my adult life, from jumping out of an airplane to bumping heads with Bank of America, Scientology, and the US Government, I never thought my ultimate undoing would be from lack of health care options in what I’m led to believe is the most thriving economic society in human history.

Throughout my journey, I’ve faced impossible odds…but I’ve never felt more alone and afraid than I am now…grappling with the terrifying realization that the only people on my side are the Republicans…

Brian Penny is a former Business Analyst at Bank of America turned whistleblower, freelance consultant, and troll. He’s a frequent contributor to The Street, Cannabis Now, and Fast Company, Huffington Post, Mainstreet, Lifehack, and HardcoreDroid.

Do Americans Care More About Sports than Politics?

This is what’s wrong with America…

 

Obamacare isn’t the problem with the US healthcare system; corruption in the industry of health is the problem. Look at the top health headlines from Google News above; not only are the three items relating to miracle sex-related cures rated above eating healthy, but treating a curved erection is more important than every other health concern in our country today, except a better Hepatitis C drug. I don’t even have a problem with drugs and elective penile surgeries being promoted above healthy eating (I get that a lot of people want an easy button) – my problem is more about the priorities in this country.

Aids and cancer could probably have been eradicated by now if we properly funded the people doing that research. Unfortunately that’s not how it works – so many of those highly intelligent, resourceful, and well-meaning people are instead lured away from curing cancer by rich pharmaceutical companies. These companies pay better than any well-intentioned organization could ever afford. I can’t blame them for abandoning the good fight for a stable and comfortable life; I make the same choices in my own career.

Rather than work toward any machine, whether one in power or one working against it, I choose to follow my own path. I work toward causes here and there, but I prefer pursuing a life of leisure and comfort. I’m not even sorry for making these types of decisions. It’s not like I’m sitting in a mansion stealing everyone’s money; I’m a broke guy working for my own survival. You can kiss my ass if you don’t agree with the path I choose to walk.

Rebel with Every Cause…

 

Although my intentions are selfish, my work does tend to benefit others. I rage against every machine, and, for every enemy I make, I gain a friend. Many men live by the ancient proverb, “The enemy of my enemy is my friend,” and I’m among them. I live by a code of honor, and I respect those who live by their own code of honor, regardless of the position they’re born into or the profession they choose to dedicate their lives to. Because I often act on my beliefs, I find myself drawing inspiring both admiration and ire from all sides.

The intent of my personal battles are eclipsed by the effects of my actions. My personal vendettas are against corruption in major machines. Problems arose when I involved myself in the machine run by the anti-establishment: Anonymous. Finding corruption in Anonymous had me siding with the one machine I have my strongest relationship with – the United States government…well…the dream of it anyway…

News or Football…

 

My choices lead me to a lot of slacktivists – they’re the ones always screaming for change. I find they’re the ones who are usually aggressive and violent as well. When the gun-totting conservatives don’t agree with me, they politely ignore or disregard me. They change the channel and go back to their football, video games, gluttony, and alcohol. Slacktivists go out of their way to silence me. Unfortunately slacktivists are necessary because the polite people aren’t interested in changing the world; they’re too busy changing their fantasy football lineup.

So now I’m stuck in a vicarious position…I’m having to depend on the support of the people I’m publicly working both with and against. I’m not interested in straightening my curved penis or who won which game. I want my freedom back…and the only way I see to do it is to make revolution cool again. I have to find a way to get the uninvolved involved in the right ways…it’s time to go back to the drawing board…

Brian Penny is a former business analyst at Bank of America turned whistleblower, consultant, troll doctor, and writer. He’s featured on The Huffington Post, Mainstreet, Lifehack, Money Side of Life, Gaiam, HardcoreDroid, and more.

15 Ways to Change the World More Effectively Than Voting

“If voting made a difference, they’d make it illegal.” – Mark Twain

Washington, D.C. (Main Street) – Like the Olympics, every few years I’m inundated with government propaganda telling me to go to a church somewhere to pick up a pencil and fill out some ridiculous sheet to decide who I want to watch not listen to me for the next couple years.

“Get out and vote!” they scream at you, telling you this is the one time in which you must make your voice heard. What I can’t help but wonder is – why?

See Also: 6 Cool Things Voters Can Get for Free

If media reports are true, than Edward Snowden leaked proof that our government is archiving our every thought via our digital presence. If they already know what I’m thinking, what good is my vote?

This is clearly a flaw in the system, because my government should already be doing what I want them to, by virtue of the amount of data they have saved on me. Don’t even get me started on the statistical odds of your vote actually making a difference. Slate nailed it with this formula – you’re better off playing the lottery. There have to be better ways to change the world.

See Also: PA Man Throws Away $1.25 Million in Lottery Tickets

1. Create a Fake Facebook Account

Opting out of Facebook is a bad idea; they’ll simply find you through pictures on your friends’ timelines. If you never had a Facebook account, you should know a few years ago Facebook’s facial recognition software noticed nobody labeled you in pictures and started asking your friends who you are. I never snitched on nobody…but you’re in a LOT of pictures.

Much like how the Google captchas tricked us into helping their cars identify house numbers they drove by, these corporations are learning who we are, and, at a time when privacy concerns of both celebrities and private citizens are reaching astronomical highs, you can change the world more than voting simply by creating a fake Facebook page.

Use your pictures and fake everything else. Hell – create as many Facebook pages as you can using every email address you ever used logged in from as many different IP’s as you can proxy. Flood the system with your information, and create dozens of people that look just like you. You may not have mutant powers, but you can certainly trick the machine into thinking so.

See Also: Is Facebook Stealing Your Face?

2. Check Twitter Every Day and Tweet Every Hashtag

Now that Twitter is a public IPO (which is much different than the story your marijuana dealer is telling you), the media clearly has an interest in twat is tweeted by tweeps and twits. From revolutions in government to feeding Ryan Seacrest’s inevitable replacement every weekday @midnight, what you tweet can twuly make a differenthe.

Instead of buying a bumper sticker every four-to-eight years to prove you made your voice heard, make it heard every single day. Contribute to the polls that actually matter, which are the instantaneous ones all over the Internet, granting temporary fame to even the most obscure rendition of “Chocolate Rain.”

Twitter sparked overthrows of government in Egypt, Syria, and around the world. When was the last time something you voted for came true?

See Also: Move to One of America’s Funniest Cities

3. Lie on Your LinkedIn Profile

You absolutely should lie on your LinkedIn profile, and it’s made even easier when you have the multiple email and Facebook accounts listed above. I have dozens of accounts everywhere I go, each woven into different related or unrelated circles. You never know when you may need an extra because some asshole reported you (don’t even get me started at how far Wikipedia goes in blocking IP’s).

If people are doing background checks, having a solid LinkedIn profile helps, and people who can corroborate the story makes things easier. Create accounts and fan the right industry insiders. Then start adding low-level schmucks anywhere you’re allowed to. Soon enough, you’ll have created directors of companies who can back up any claim you make for having done anything for any small business you choose anywhere in the world.
Unlocking Job Search God Mode is helpful, but you need to wield this great power with great responsibility. Now go get a job!

See Also: Why Wikipedia Should Be Your New LinkedIn

4. Meditate

There was a point where Bush, Clinton, even Obama, could have just sat down and literally done nothing, and it would have been more beneficial to our country’s well-being than the actions they took instead. This is true of anyone you remember. Had Robin Williams chosen at that last moment to do nothing instead, he’d still be around, making us all smile.

Had Hitler done nothing, the Jews wouldn’t have remembered that penniless artist. There are times when indifference and/or doing nothing is much more effective than doing something. Everything is tracked. It always has been, but now we’re grappling with an understanding of it. This means you’re making as much of a statement by not voting as you would if you did vote. Not voting is a much more effective way to exercise your rights. I didn’t vote in 2012, because I was busy working on What I Told the FHFA. What’s your excuse for not voting?

5. Take a Nap

Now that we established taking time for yourself is more beneficial to the overall of society than casting your vote in any election, it’s time to recharge your body. Sleeping benefits you in a variety of ways.

Need help sleeping? Try The Most Boring Day in History

Either way, you’re taking yourself out of the moment. If you try to meditate and fall asleep instead, it’s because your body needed the rest. When you wake up from your nap, you’ll have done so much more to change the world around you than voting ever would’ve accomplished. Now you’re ready to face the world with a smile J

See Also: Should Offices Allow Nap Time?

6. Buy a Ribbon

If you want to make your voice heard, veterans, breast cancer patients, and others could use your support in helping raise awareness by purchasing more ribbons. Of course, then you need to pay the people marketing the ribbons, and the street teams, which are of course going to need management.

You want those street teams to have great management to ensure this great charity is able to still raise awareness for whatever it is because in order to attract the best talent to compete in this kind of flooded charity market, you need to pay top-tier prices, or at least something in a decent range, you know, because a CEO, and a CFO, and at least a dozen territory managers – that stuff doesn’t come cheap.

So If you want to continue ensuring there is awareness that cancer and war still exists, in case anyone forgot, go ahead and buy yourself a ribbon. It’s a much better investment than that “Don’t Blame Me, I Voted for Roseanne” bumper sticker.

7. Find an Alternative to Wal-Mart

If you truly wanted to make a statement, you’d stop shopping at Wal-Mart. Not only that, you’d protest them every single day until they closed shop and left your town. Every purchase you make at Wal-Mart is going against everything you say you believe in and pretend you believe in when you check boxes to decide the face of issues you don’t care about for the next term.

Instead of wasting even one single thought about where you cast your vote, take a long, hard look at the realities of where you cast your dollar. Too many people shop at Wal=Mart, and it doesn’t matter how many disabled or elderly they keep hovering inches above the street.

8. Stop Eating at McDonald’s

While we’re at it, let’s all take a moment to remember when McDonald’s tasted like In and Out. Now that it doesn’t, this place should be closed. There’s no reason all that real estate these corporations own has to be used giving us glitchy and half-assed versions of products.

Do you remember when Taco Bell had that 59, 79, 99 jungle in the 90s? A taco at Taco Bell now is over a dollar. That tiny taco costs more than over half of  McDonald’s Poverty Menu.

Think about the complaints about their working conditions. Think about how much insect and mold you’re actually eating. Think about how much sugar, fat, and artificial dog-food-grade food-like product you’re consuming in fast food.

If you want to make a difference, you can never eat at McDonalds. Ever again. Not even once. Not even for free. Not even if you’re starving and there’s nothing else around. That will make much more of a difference and a statement in our world than some silly vote.

9. Engage with a Homeless Person

You’re aware there was a housing bubble, and you know the banks cheated people, but you still are so busy begging some unknowable deity for help that you haven’t even bothered to give anything to the homeless. Imagine you gave a dollar to every single homeless person you saw. If you did this every day instead of smoking, drinking coffee, or whatever vice you have, you could change their lives and the world.

What do you care what they spend it on? What do you care how much they make? I’m homeless and live in a van, and while I don’t make more than you yet, I’m working on it. If you give me a dollar, it’s never your business where that dollar goes. I have you moral obligation toward you. I’d probably even track you home and piss on your car. Of course, I don’t panhandle often. I’ve just known plenty who do.

10. Quit Your Job

If you work for a company like Bank of America, you should seriously quit. We all know you’re doing something wrong, and you know it too. You’re convinced that things are complicated and the media doesn’t understand, but we do understand. We’re just trying to prove it. If you quit your job and simply refused to do it any longer, you’d make an impact, especially if you organized groups to do it.

Remember the first follower is the most powerful person in a movement. Check out the video:

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So if you quit your job and tell them Brian Penny told you to do it, you’ll become the first follower of my movement, and it’ll make much more of a difference than any vote ever did. I just know you’re too scared to ever do it, because your cubicle is important to your sense of comfort.

11. Murder Someone

You don’t need to become a jihadist or serial killer to murder someone. You can join the army, law enforcement, or a rapper’s entourage to get some confirmed killings under your belt. Think of how many people death has stopped throughout history? Imagine how different the world would have been had some of them never died, or if they died before they could accomplish their goals.

Will writing this inspire one of you deranged lunatics to kill me? Maybe. But if I let fear run my life, I never would’ve survived this long.

12. Have Sex

Passing your genetics down to create another generation of your bloodline will change your future more than every vote you cast in your entire life. The only way you’re going to find a relationship and love that’s solid enough to build a family on, you’ll need to be either sexually confident or in a religion where women have no choice.

You can exercise your freedoms, improve your health, and make the changes Michael Jackson practically pleaded with you to make with the man in the mirror if you would just get out and have more sex.

13 Ask Your Kid to Explain the World to You

Instead of telling anyone what your views are by casting a vote, why not ask your kid what their views are? It may be rough at first, but establishing or re-establishing an interpersonal connection can go much further than some silly vote ever will.

14. Go to College

Attending higher education gives you direct access to borrow money from the government. You can take thousands of government dollars every year and show those fat cats in Washington how to truly spend money. You’re not even paying interest on the subsidized loans, so long as you stay in school.

Even if you do pay interest, it’ll either go to support the government or the banks. These funds will be used to build schools, repair roads, and fund so many important government functions and will benefit society much more than voting.

In college, you’ll also be swayed to go one step further by voting for a nonsense candidate like Ron or Rand Paul, or Bart Simpson.

What do you do that’s more useful than voting?

Brian Penny is a former Business Analyst at Bank of America turned whistleblower, freelance consultant, and troll. He’s a frequent contributor to The Street, Huffington Post, Cannabis Now, and Fast Company.